Don't Judge Me

I've heard a rumor that there are pictures circulating on an unnamed social-networking site of me wearing a Utah Utes jersey and hat surrounded by Utah fans. I feel I need to address this before the tabloids get a hold of the story.

First of all, this was not a result of peer pressure. It was self-preservation. Wearing BYU gear to a Utah vs UNLV game could have cost me my life. I wasn't too worried about the half-dozen UNLV fans that actually stayed past halftime because, if the guy sitting in front of us was any indication, they were mostly too drunk to even form a coherent sentence. Utah fans are another story. Not exaggerating, I'm pretty sure I saw a group of Utah fans on "When Animals Attack!" on Fox last week ripping apart a crippled Colorado State fan that strayed from the group.

And that was an away game.

Secondly, I was undercover. The real reason I went to the game was to see if Kyle Whittingham actually is Satan, or just one of his mid-level lieutenants. I'm still up in the air about this. On the one hand he was wearing all black and I'm pretty sure I caught a glimpse of a devil-horn when he took his hat off. On the other hand I couldn't get in to the locker room at halftime to see if they were sacrificing a goat. So who knows. But I think we can all agree that Satan himself probably coaches the Oakland Raiders which is why they still have so many violently loyal fans after so many awful, awful years.

So I think I was justified in wearing a Utah jersey.