Monday, November 1, 2010

An Open Letter to Tom Shane

Dear Tom Shane,

I've been listening to the radio for a long time. In the days of CDs, before iPods and Napster, the radio was how I kept myself entertained. Radio is how I decided which CDs I would buy with my paper route money. Radio is what I rocked out to while I was driving. These were the carefree days of my life. This was my youth.

But these memories are marred by your voice.

Yes, I'm talking to you Tom Shane of the Shane Company. Your radio ads are probably the most annoying thing I've ever heard. Not only are they annoying, they're frequent and they're always exactly the same. I'm sure this is intended, either out of laziness or the misguided notion that this is an effective advertising method. Well I'll tell you a little secret. People respond more to creativity, variety (have you heard of Youtube?), and even some voice inflection. But no, it's always just the same monotone you.

You're probably thinking that I'm an ungrateful jerk, that I should be thanking you for the countless hours of entertainment on your dime. I understand that radio is financially free to me. But I pay for it. I pay with my time. The time that I spend listening to your incessant ads between songs is a real cost to me. It cost me a piece of my youth that's scarred by you hocking your jewelry from as far back as I can remember.

Tom, I want to tell you a sad story. I got an iPod for Christmas from my mom and filled it up with a modest 6 gigs of music (thanks Dehn). It was a faithful music companion for almost 2 years. Then I got an iPhone, and I love it just as much. I was sad to find that since my computer died before I could sync my phone to it, I lost the music and it's stuck on my iPod. Then I discovered Pandora radio, and haven't looked back. It's just like the radio I used to love, but full of only songs that I like. Unfortunately, the worst happened. When I thought I was completely safe from your emotionless robo-voice, I heard it again from the sanctity and safety of my iPhone, over Pandora radio.

Do you really think that any attention is good attention? Well you're wrong, there is such a thing as too much. You hit that about 10 years ago. Sure, I've long since memorized your address in downtown Seattle. That helps me to avoid it easier. Do you think irritating an entire country is a positive thing? Where is your soul.

As much as I hope for the economy to recover I was happy to hear you filed for bankruptcy last year. You're failing in a business where your average markups are over 800%. With margins like that you should be able to float a business that sells books on tape to deaf schools. I hate to say I told you so, except if I'm saying it to you.

Now you have a friend in the blogging business.

From the corner of 4th and Center,
Mike

P.S. Are you the guy from the Men's Wearhouse commercials too, or is that your brother or something?

21 comments:

  1. Couldn't agree more. I hope he reads this.

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  2. You must have been in a sweet soulful mood when you wrote this one.... :)

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  3. I am with you on that Mike. Totally.

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  4. Jeez! I am SOOOO freaking glad that I'm not the only one that hates the hell out of those ads. Personal policy is to instantly switch stations or turn the radio off if I hear that freaking drone start talking.

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  5. Gees. There isn't an annoying jingle. I mean, it could be Kars for Kids, right? Get some perspective, man. If a radio ad isn't repeating some 1-800... jingle, it's better than most.

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  6. Another thing I hate about this soul-less s.o.b. is how every occasion in existence involves buying some shiny expensive bauble to commemorate it "this month is Martha Washington's second cousin once removed's second wedding anniversary. There has never been any better time than now than to purchase your Martha Washington's second cousin once removed's second wedding anniversary pendant... This pendant will grow with you each year as you add another diamond and sapphire stone to it.... "

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  7. I HATE TOM SHANE! PLEASE MAKE HIM STOP!!!!

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  8. I know a person who has met Tom Shane and has done business with him outside of his Tom Shane Company. I'm sure you will be surprised to learn that in his opinion Tom Shane is a "total asshole" of a person.

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  9. Mike, I was jamming to Beck radio on Pandora (once you ban all the Gorillaz and Daft Punk, it is actually a fantastic station) and there it was. Wretched AD!!!....which prompted me to search google for "I hate Shane Co. Ads" - and here I am. Collective mind, you need to kick some Tom Shane ass.

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  10. i had to google this. I can't stand his voice or ads. i'm changing my zipcode on pandora to change up the ads

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  11. I am glad to know there are others who think that is annoying as hell.. Pandora (free) used to be bearable, a few ads now and then, but not anymore

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  12. So funny, I just google, am I the only ones who hates shane company commercials, and I found your blog. I'm glad I am not the only one who hates listening to his commercials.

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  13. I hate Tom Shane more than anything! He ruins my morning every day.

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  14. This is awesome. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels the hatred.

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  15. Very, very annoying and corny ! Glad I'm not alone when I begin to hear him and his voice actors !

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  16. My blood pressure sky rockets every time his ads come on the radio. The only thing I can think of to do is mock his annoying voice and flip the station as soon as possible. It pisses me off SO much.

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  17. My blood pressure sky rockets every time his ads come on the radio. The only thing I can think of to do is mock his annoying voice and flip the station as soon as possible. It pisses me off SO much.

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  18. I couldn't agree more. I'm a Pandora listener as well, and even that isn't safe from his annoying rage inducing ads. I used to could turn off my radio when the ads come on and my phone would still play through the ads when I'm not listening, but apparently they changed it, so if you turn off the radio, the ad pauses so there is no way to get around it other than turning the volume down. I'll do this from now on, but it was just much more satisfying turning the radio completely off while he continued to ramble with his annoying voice while I'm not listening. I hate his ads, the diamond/jewelry industry in general and his stupid "guests" whining about finding a "perfect diamond". Blah blah blah. No one cares!!!

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  19. I concur, I would never ever consider buying something from this prententiuos clown. I am almost ready to stop listening to Fox because of this googball’s commercials.

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  20. It seems he has the market cornered on radio stations. I'm in my car and as soon I hear his voice I change my preset dials and he's on another station AGAIN! WTF!

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