Saturday, March 6, 2010

Taylor Swift's CD Is, Like, The Soundtrack To My Life

I want to start out by saying that I'm pretty sure Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person. I had an inkling she was a man but it wasn't until this week's Law and Order that I put it together.

I'd also like to give a big shout-out to Apple for not letting me move my music from my iPod to my iPhone because it's synced to a different computer. That's the inspiration for my post today.

Being left without my iPod music has been pretty eye-opening to me about the state of the music industry. I've been forced to listen to the radio. It's awful. Even the "rock" stations don't play anything good.

The music on the radio can be categorized as follows:

70's, 80's, and 90's Rock - This is the only listenable group, and a lot of the 80's stuff is still a little sketchy. This is the last time in history music was genuine.

Country - I could write a novel about all the reasons that I would rather squeeze a lemon on an open wound rather than listen to this.

Boy Bands - The formula is simple: find 5 metrosexual guys that can sing, write songs for them about how relationships are the most important thing in the world, and have them dance while they alternate singing the lines. This is as shallow as music gets.

Boy Bands version 2.0 - These are the bands that have taken the place of the boy bands of the 90's, described above. They are updated in that they now play instruments. You can identify these bands because you can't tell if the singer is male or female. These are the epitome of uninspired, manufactured music. They don't write songs or music, they just play what their label tells them to. This is the equivalent of looking at a Picasso and trying to repaint it, except the Picasso is crap to begin with.

American Idol Contestants - Again, these people do not write songs or play instruments. They have sold their souls to Ryan Seacrest, who is an agent of Satan.

Guys With Guitars Who Are Really In Touch With Their Feelings - This is probably the fastest growing group on the radio right now. And it's because they're easy to find. Just go to any dorm in America, these weirdos are all over. They are usually studying a soft science or some type of literature. These guys are the most cunning type of all. They know that if they don't make it as musicians and they don't get your money from buying their CD's that are packaged in environmentally-friendly packaging, then the joke is still on you because they're going to get your money in government assistance.

The problem with these groups is their preoccupation with money, image, and "making it". It's like a restaurant owner who uses boxed potatoes and canned vegetables as a side dish because he wants his restaurant to be franchised more easily. Even if you make it, you're going to be the Denny's of the music industry.

We need bands that don't want to "make it," but play music for the sake of music. And most of all we need music that is aimed at a different demographic than teenage girls.


  1. i agree with you. except i think seattle is picking it up a bit. you would know if you were here... maybe in the future.
    i have a good band for you. i am not sure i want to reveal them to the public yet because i am just a little selfish and protective. hopefully soon i will get over myself and let you hear their goodness. until then, hang tight.

  2. Ya, its all re-runs. That's why i listen to talk.....back in the day ,we had REAL music, with NOTES and WORDS that you could repeat in public!(except for some of that rock and roll....and maybe hip-hop ...and some of those country songs....) GET OFF MY LAWN!!! .....punks... ps Love,Dad..and say high to Shayla

  3. True, true. Bands like Fall Out Boy have ruined music. I have no respect for people that don't write their own music. Most of these bands are just puppets for the huge record labels. It makes me sick. It's all a bunch of over-produced garbage.

  4. iTunes is extremely irritating to deal with.

    And I'm as confused at the popularity of Black Eyed Peas as I am with Paris Hilton's. "I Gotta Feeling" is GARBAGE.